This week

Well I thought I was busy last week and the week before, but as usual I have taken on more than I can handle and now I barely have time to send an email when I am on the computer.  I have had 4 jobs on Odesk, 2 that were at the same time.  I wrote articles for 4 hours straight on Sunday.   I am writing about everything from kids activities, birthday parties, corporate events, and even area rugs.  I also did an article on the developmental affects of classical music on children.  That was a tough one.  It was like pulling teeth, but I managed to get it done. 

I don't know if I can keep it up though. I've been really tired and Jason has been gone almost every single night.  He's gone tonight, tomorrow night, home Friday night, gone Saturday night, and then leaving for PG on Monday.  This is my life.....I'm not really liking it too much. 

Starting to look forward to Christmas though.  I can't wait to drag out the decorations. 

Busy writing

I haven't updated in a few days as I've been busy writing.  I started freelancing about a month ago at Odesk.com, and it's kept me busy.  I did some free lancing with video editing and production, and now I'm writing articles. 

I could have become a virtual assistant to a company in California, but I didn't have the desire to do small jobs or even remotely go near a web site.  It's funny, but I am totally off of web sites.  They make me frustrated.  I can very easily editing and slice up PSD templates, but do I want to??  NOOOOOO.

I really, really enjoy writing.  I love it, even if it is just random articles about home decor or seo key word stuffed articles.  I love writing.  If I can make a bit of money at it, then I am happy.  

Ultimately I will be able to build up to a point where I am earning an ok income from home, and that was my goal all along. 

Lately I've been dreaming about moving again.  I found a place that is 4.33 acres near my daughter's school, and although the house is run down and needs a LOT of work, I love the land.  I want the huge red barn and the corral for horses.  It's the farm girl in me coming out.  

I have some very good memories of hanging out on my grandma's farm, although I also have some really poor memories.  lol  I used to go out there for a week in the summer, and I'd spend the day very happily playing with my cousins.  When it came time to go to bed, I was just going crazy with home sickness.  My mom literally had to drive all the way back to the farm (2 hours one way) to get me!  I did this to her countless times.  She must have just sent me off and hoped for the best!

The little ones are finally in bed and it's time to write some articles about area rugs!  

Quiet Saturday

I should be cleaning, but it's so nice and quiet in the house that I just want to sit here in silence for awhile.  

My kids are at a birthday party with Dad, and I am cleaning up the house so when the sitter comes over I can actually leave with a clear head.  We haven't had a sitter in over 2 months.  It's sort of nerve wracking.  My almost 3 year old has bed time issues, so I wonder how she'll get him to sleep?

We are going to Fright Nights at the PNE.  I have wanted to go since we moved here, over 9 years ago!  I can't believe I'm actually going.  Apparently it will be packed.  

I'll post some pics if I can. 

I'm glad no one reads this, because it's better to just write stuff down and not worry about what other people are going to say.

I'm depressed.  I can't seem to shake it this time.  It's all-consuming.  I manage to keep the house neat and to take care of the kids, but if I could just curl up in bed and stay there, sleeping all day, I would.  

I am grateful for the roof over my head, for the health of my kids, for the fact that I am married.  I try to focus on that.

I would like to travel, get out of the gloom and routine here, and have some fun for a change.  It doesn't look like that's on the horizon. 

I have been trying to fix up Kidswap lately.  I posted an ad on craigslist asking for programming help in exchange for any sort of admin work I could do.  I received some replies, but nothing concrete.  I am sure it is time to give it all up.  It's hard to do, but whenever I hang out there I feel bad about myself.   I can't keep paying out of pocket every month for hosting and every year for the forum.  I still owe for some legal bills relating to the trade mark.   

I wish I never would have been asked to go on Dragons Den.  It got my hopes too high and when the lows came, as they have now, it's hard just to say good bye to it all and start on something else.   It hit my self confidence.  I worry about finding a job I am good at, because I have no self confidence.  

This is a pity party today, but that's ok.  I take care of everyone, and every once in awhile I am allowed to feel badly. 

Excessive energy

No, not me.  I definitely do not have excessive energy.  I can barely get through the day awake lately.

I went to parent/teacher conferences today and was told that my 5 year old has excessive energy and can't calm down in class.  I had feared this, because that is how he is at home.  He runs from place to place, can't seem to sit still, craves sugar like there is no tomorrow, and drives us all crazy with his inability to stop talking.   

I have called the family doctor, so I will be taking him in to discuss this.  I may get him into a naturopath as well.  I am positive it's a diet thing with him. 

So this week alone we've had car troubles, computer troubles, and now little man troubles.  

I'm tired.  

Economics and Marxism

Sunshine!  Amazing how it can 'sort of, kind of' make you feel better.  I'm trying, I swear, but I'm still feeling like it's a rainy day every day lately. 

This is what it looks like outside of my window today.  This is the back yard view. That tree actually used to hit our house.  We snuck out there one day with one of those big ladders and a saw and snapped that puppy down.    Now it 'almost' reaches the house, which is still enough to kill the grass under it. 

I came across an article today about Marxism and how Karl Marx predicted the current economic crisis in the US and the UK.  I had to read Das Kapital when I was in University.   It was by far the most difficult book I ever had to read, and if my history professor wasn't so fantastic I would have thrown in the towel right there.  

I have to say I am inclined to agree with the article though, the downfall of the US and an ultimate US/UK recession seems like it's based on the model as Marx predicted it: Capitalist bankers turned greedy and made their money off the backs of the people underneath them (which pretty much includes all of the middle and lower class).    Just thought it was interesting.   Occasionally I unearth my brain from under the bed where I keep it and dust it off.  I have mostly forgotten what it was like to go to University, as all of that information is now replaced by "Where is the apple juice?"  'Did you lose your library book again?" "Do you need to go poopies?"  Fun stuff. 

Today is my husband's birthday, so I am going to go and bake him a cake.  I'm trying a different icing this time, it's called Ganache.  Looks yummy.  I like to bake the cakes, I don't like to eat them, so at least my muffin top cannot explode into a full blown spare tire.

Another Day, Another Rainfall

This is what it looks like outside my window this morning:

Gllloooommy. Now the sun is out and I feel slightly better.

I hate the rain, I really do. I live in entirely the wrong part of the country. I often have dreams about living in California. Maybe if they elect Obama and straighten out their country, I'll be able to move down there. Sunshine and Disneyland. What more could I ask for?

I've decided that my blog will be partly about the life lessons I've been taught over the past few years. Maybe my pitfalls will help others avoid them?

Life lesson #1: Not everyone is an entrepreneur
Part 1: CBC's Dragons Den

I had to learn this lesson the hard way; through the rapid emptying of my bank account. How you may ask? Let me explain.

I have a web site called kidswap.ca (http://www.kidswap.ca) . It's just a buy and sell for kid's stuff, both new and used, as well as toddler items, toys, anything baby, maternity wear, and more. I started it in 2003. It had some pretty good traffic. I enjoyed playing with it, and it turned from a hobby into a small (and I mean small) business. I was ok with this. My goal was to help other moms make money through it, but I never could quite figure out how to do that? I had some good ideas, I just didn't have the follow through or the knowledge to enact them. Now that I look back, I'm not surprised because I had 3 small kids and a husband who traveled all the time.

In July of 2006 I was asked to fly to Toronto and pitch my business to CBC's Dragon's Den.
Yes, this is reality TV for Canadians. I was shocked, and even more shocked when they told me I was their #1 choice out of all of the auditions to come and pitch. They were sure I would get at least $100,000 to grow Kidswap.

I left my two older children with Grandma and took my 9 month old baby and my husband along. I do not fly well. I have a great story about how I started screaming and crying when we hit turbulence and they had to pull out the oxygen tank, but I'll leave that for another time.

When I got there the morning of the pitch, I was prepped by Sean Wise, one of the people who works on the show (actually I'm not clear on that, but he was some sort of advisor). He threw some questions at me and told me I could easily value the site at $100,000. Once again, I was blown away.

I don't remember much after that. I went in front of the dragons pitched the site, and was told that it would never cut it. Robert Herjavec asked me why a mom in Newmarket, Ontario would sell anything on Kidswap. I held up a sweater I bought from Marg and said "I bought this from a mom in Newmarket, Ontario. She sells great stuff." Zing!! He shut up, it was wonderful.

I had almost convinced Kevin O'Leary from Squeeze Play (also the person who invented The Learning Company software for kids) that it was a good idea, but he had been burnt by too many other web companies so he was out as well. I walked back to the cameras in shock, and they asked my husband and baby to come in so they could gauge my reaction. I didn't give an inch, I basically said "Oh Well", but inside I was really upset. We sat outside for an hour after and I did cry. It was such a let down, to be built up so high and then dropped like that. I can see now that is how reality TV works, it would not be interesting if there was no let down or drama.

They called me back to the studio that day to profile me for the show, and the producers said it was pretty crappy they didn't fund me, but at least they would give me extra exposure so that I could succeed on my own. They were great people.

I couldn't say anything about what had happened, because I signed a confidentiality agreement.

Overall, I'm glad I went. I can tell my kids about it someday. Unfortunately I won't be able to show them the clip because they NEVER AIRED MY SEGMENT!! lol Unbelievable.

We went back to BC. My self confidence had taken quite a tumble, but now I had a sort of panic button in the back of my head because they were going to get me great exposure (I had no idea it wasn't going to air) and I had a site that needed work.

Anyway, that was the Dragons Den experience. I know other people had it worse than I did. I was there on the same day as the Job Loft guys and the Bikini Weenie girl. They made her wait all day long, and I'm pretty sure she was in tears when I was walking out of my profile.

Back to laundry. There never seems to be a day when I am not folding or putting away laundry.

As we speak, the buns are baking

The buns turned out well! I'm shocked! I'm happy! I am sure that my husband will not eat them.

Today I am making buns. I am not making just any buns, I am making Saskatchewan buns (or so I hope!)

True to the time honored Saskatchewan tradition of eyeballing, my mom sent me a recipe that had no measurements for flour, and the simple instructions of 'alternate flour and milk until it's sticky'.

Of course the recipe is going to yield enough buns to feed several familes, and there is no way on earth I have a bowl big enough to fit all of that dough. I had to take half of it out of one bowl, put it into another, and struggle to mix this stuff.

I am sure there are hard parts within the dough. Sort of chunky dough bits that didn't get mixed.

I am also sure I forgot the salt and had to sprinkle it in when I was punching it down.

Do you think the salt was to taste or had some sort of participatory role in the development of the buns?

I'll be posting pictures of the buns as they rise (if they rise).

My thought of the day? Should I have another baby? Am I nuts to even consider this given the past year of my life?

Jumping in

I've had blogs before, I've just never continued with them. For some reason I don't find writing cathartic. I find it painful! It's easy for me to write, it's just not easy reading what comes out.