Distracted

It's so difficult to actually get any work done when you lack focus the way I do!!  I don't know what is wrong with me, it's so difficult to sit down and actually concentrate enough to write an article about children's festivals or outdoor event businesses.  If I could bang my head against the computer I would, but it would break in half! lol

I had a weird dream last night.  I dreamt my husband was a crack head. lol  He kept locking himself up in a room with other people and doing drugs.  I took the kids and went to Grandma's house I think, but when I woke up I was thinking that life isn't really all that bad.  Clearly, in my dreams, it was worse!  

The house we live in is way too small for us.  If we asked the people in the basement to move out, we'd get that space back, but it's so cut off from the rest of the house that I wouldn't put a kid down there for sleeping.   So we are stuck up on the top floor, with bedrooms and all, and it's getting more and more difficult to ignore that there is no where to go for quiet in this house.  It's been really bothering me lately.  This isn't the best time to sell or move.  To get what we need, it is still ridiculously expensive and I'd need to get a job.  Unfortunately, I can't get a job right now giving the baby and all, so I will just have to organize better and make some room.   It's so funny though, this house looks huge from the street, but we live in about 1000 square feet total. The rest is basement suite and office.  I'm ready to go sleep in the yard. 

Baby is a squiggly little worm, and it's fun to feel him moving around.  The lady across the street is pregnant too, and it is hilarious to watch them buy all of this baby stuff. When they ask me if I'm prepping a baby's room, I just laugh.  Really, where will that room be? My closet?  I will set up the bassinet and get the clothes out in June, but that's as far as  I will go until after he is born.  I am reminded of parents who put their kids in drawers to sleep.  

My grandma had 13 kids.  Although they really did have a massive old farm house, I am wondering exactly where she put them all? I heard rumors of babies sleeping behind the stove to keep warm.  I have adopted a policy of 'don't ask' with my mom.  It makes me cringe to think of what those helpless babies went through.  She grew up sort of detached & distant from people, so I guess you can chalk one up for Freud and his attachment theories.  

I'm going to purge my closets.  I had no intention of doing that this morning, but I really can't focus on writing today.

Eating my feelings

I don't think there is that much more to tell about Vegas.   It was sunny, beautiful.  I wish I could live in a climate with palm trees and sun all the time.  I just think my mood would be positive all the time.  

I am an overeater lately.  Ever since I caught wind of my triple screen results and my pending amnio, I've been eating to make myself feel better.  I feel pretty gross.  I have my bike set up on a trainer in the office, and I like to use it for 20 to 30 minutes at a time, but I haven't had the motivation lately.  I thought that the cloud would lift when I found out baby was ok, but now I have just shifted my worry to J's job.  

I am really, really finished with his employment.  I don't know how someone could be such an Ahole and pull someone's well deserved raise.  No explanation, nothing.  He expects the max. amount of work for the least amount of pay, and the worst thing is that I never see my husband.  I'm always on my own with the kids, and now with another one on the way? I am just done. 

If a window opens when a door closes, I'd like to crawl through that window.  After almost 9 years of this crap, with stress and no money to show for it, I want to be finished.  I just hope he can find another job quickly and it's not KD and ichi ban for us for the next two years. 

Vegas for preggos

Las Vegas is a strange and wonderful place, but it's so completely different from what I remembered.  I guess if you can't walk down the strip with a drink in your hand, you see a different side of Vegas!

We rented a car one day and drove out to the Hoover dam.  I have to admit, I was very nervous.  I hung on for dear life anytime Jason went near the edge.  It's so high it makes me sick.  The drive was beautiful though, and the desert looks nothing like I have ever seen.  The trees are odd looking, and I kept looking for cactus.  I guess the desert from the cartoons isn't the desert in reality!

We stayed at Treasure Island, which really was beautiful.  The beds were unbelievably comfortable.  2 duvets and egyptian cotton.  I never wanted to get out of bed.   It was a great deal too.  $89 per night for a premium room. 

More later, off to pick up the kids.

Negative amnio !!!

After a solid month of being told that I have a 1 in 60 chance of having a child with downs, I am very relieved to say that my baby is considered free from downs and other chromosome issues.  Can you say relieved???? Seriously, I almost collapsed when I got the call. 

I got up at 6:30 am on the morning of the amnio, and my friend picked me up in J's car because MIL needed the van to get the kids to school.  We made it to the hospital by 7:50 am, and I checked myself in thinking I had a long wait.  Not to be, they took me straight in and made me change into a gown.  

The only thing that kept me sane at this point was the fact that we would get to see the ultrasound, and I since I have been studying ultrasounds to the point of becoming a technician, I was ready to look for the markers that indicate downs.  

We got into the room and I sat down on the bed so I could sign the forms and give consent.  At this point, the entire idea of the amnio was sinking in, and when they exposed my tummy and started swabbing it down with antiseptic, I was ready to run away.  They very briefly put the baby on the monitor to look for the placenta, and then the doctor was ready.  I started to cry, because it was so scary!!  The nurse asked me to hold her thumbs up by my head, and I am sure they do that so you don't make a grab for your tummy.  

He didn't give me much time to prepare, just 1,2,3 and the needle was in.  It hurt really briefly, not much at all. I'm sure it was a very thin needle.  I barely glanced at the ultrasound, because I didn't want to see it in there by my baby.  It took about a minute and he had 3 vials of fluid out.  Baby remained still throughout.  After he pulled the needle out, I looked at the ultrasound and you could see where the needle had been.  

She gave us another 20 second look at the baby, and then I was finished.  I had my rhogam shot (in the hip, and it hurt more than the amnio!), and I stood up.  I had asked for the FISH results (24 hour results on 3 chromosomes), because after a solid month of stress over the triple screen, I couldn't handle the thought of waiting for 2 more weeks. 

I was fine walking out, and fine going home.  I did feel very sore in the tummy area, and I randomly had small stabbing pains where the needle had been.  Baby was very active, no bleeding or leaking of amniotic fluid.  I spent the entire day in bed watching movies.  I literally didn't want to move for fear of losing that baby, so I stayed put.  The kids were very understanding.  

The next day it felt like I had been punched in the stomach, but I was ok otherwise.  I took Jack to preschool and then I grabbed my planned flight to Vegas at 4 pm.  

I'm not sure, if I could do it again, that I would go on a trip.  Vegas requires a lot of walking, and I was pretty sore.  It was nice to spend time with husband. 

I feel relieved, blessed.  I have sympathy for the women who are going through the waiting game right now, because it really messes with your mind.  I was so unbelievably stressed for almost a month, so now that it's over I'm left feeling exhausted.  I need to catch up with work and everything, but I'm slow getting back into it.