As I've grown larger, the old pregnancy issues have flared up. I had hoped I would be able to exercise my way through the weight gain and swelling, but it's been another long winter of my husband's job and little free time for me. I find that when I get free time, I don't know what to do with it anyway. So I've gained a lot of weight and started to have a lot of swelling. 12 pounds in one month! I missed the point where I should have taken my rings off, and my legs look like tree trunks.
I find myself waiting to have a nap each day, because I am so unbelievably tired. All of this napping interferes with the kids having playdates, so they make me feel guilty for that. I try at least once a week, but I don't like to have kids over here when we don't have a playroom for them. They just drag the toys out into the middle of the living room and then it's all left there for me to clean up.
I just feel like it's so unfair that I have asked for changes repeatedly, and here I am, still waiting for them. I never wanted to bring another baby into this house. We don't have the room, plain and simple. My mom actually suggested putting the baby in our walk in closet. Don't do this, do that. It's all I hear all the time. It's easy to give advice when you live in Saskatchewan and I haven't seen her in over a year.
Sorry, I know I'm being a bummer here, but I just have been feeling so down that I'm not sure what to do. I want to be a good mom, I really do. I am just having such a hard time with driving them back and forth to school, activities, playdates, trying to clean up after them, and living in the top floor of this horrible house. Will anything ever change?
1 comment:
Shelly, it is all so much adjusting. Caring for three other active kids whilst trying to cope with the end of another pregnancy.
I am sorry you are feeling down in the dumps. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Just try to go with the flow as much as you can.
Your kids will survive if they don't get to go. The weather is going to get better, that will get you ALL out of the house. If you need sleep, try to sleep. No shame in that! I used to do the same thing. Get it where you can.
Thinking of you. I marvel at all that you manage to do. Hang in there. And maybe you can get out once a week just by yourself. Go write in a journal just to write out your feelings.
Or maybe a walk around the block once daily...just for a waddle around. Clear out the head. SOOO important to take that time for yourself. You need it, you deserve it.
xo
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